Mr. Geogerpher

Mr. Geogerpher
I think I would be a good assistant because I recently learned amout the atmosphere and the biothsphere and I like to study geogerphy. And I respect the region and landforms.

Every morning at 6:30, once his Catholic school social studies classes are planned, my husband grades papers. Today’s stack comes from sixth graders instructed to write a letter of application to a geographer, explaining why they would make good assistants.

I'm heartened to see such an assignment. Yesterday, I admitted to both of my writing classes that I really don’t care whether they can write an essay about the rhetorical strategies used in Fire in a Canebrake. This may not be what my department wants me to say, even though I do my job training college students for a career in paper writing. But I confess I'll feel more of a success if they can write a letter that will win them a job or a raise or a wife or a coupon for a couple bucks off their favorite cereal.

“If you can write a letter as well as I can,” I told them, “you get free stuff”—like a replacement pair of Ray Bans well beyond the warranty. Last year, before I started my MFA program, I ordered a cool leather tote bag that I couldn’t afford. I felt guity the moment I hit the "send" button. It was about $80, and it arrived two days later in a chamois, wrapped in a glossy box with a satin bow. Even the invoice was on stationery and embossed. (Always buy from Levenger!) I felt like I’d received a present. I dashed off a thank-you note, and they wrote back how pleased they were to hear from me, since the only people who ever write to them have a complaint. They hoped I wouldn’t mind if they sent my e-mail to everyone in the company. And they sent me a complementary box of Page Points.

A month later, though, I got a bill for $10 for those Page Points. I wrote a pleasant e-mail to them saying they’d made a mistake and that I was sure they’d correct it. They did. We all chuckled about it. On my birthday, a month later, Fed Ex arrived at my door with a gift. The owner of Levenger had written a book (a good book, actually) and had personally inscribed it for me with best wishes on my MFA.

When you write something wonderful, especially to someone else, it makes you both feel good. I still have some of my sister’s birthday cards. I have saved every love letter I’ve ever gotten (except the one from the stalker in high school—that went to the police). I have letters of recommendation, thank-you notes from friends, e-mails from pleased clients. Nothing can pick you up like hearing the good things someone thinks about you. And when it's written down, you can look at it later, when you need to be reminded of your value.

Recently, when plagued with doubts about the ability to finish my MFA project, I read the letter of recommendation my friend, Clarinda Harriss, wrote for me. She says, “Indeed, I had to read her email requesting the recommendation several times. Initially I assumed she was applying to teach in your graduate program...; it came as a bit of a surprise to see she was applying to join the program as a student.” Its loveliness makes me cry.

Some of the kids in Marty's class get it already, at eleven. That's because he teaches like I do, with an emphasis on getting the job done but in the most pleasurable way. Sure, it's important to be able to write knowledgeably about "Hamlet" once or twice. And if you're smart, you can use your analytical skills in other areas of your life (like when you're choosing among leather tote bags). But we have to teach kids about more than "geogerphy" vocabulary words. They have to get that how you say something is just as important as what you're saying.

Dear Dr. Dillamond,

I was just wondering if you need an assistant. Well if you do, I’d be great. Does age matter? Well, here are some things that I learned. I know how regions are defined, and can name a lot of landforms, and maybe soon I can find out the climate of our area. Here’s my schedule on Mondays I have TWIGS theatre program, Tuesday and Thursdays I have soccer, Sundays I have soccer games, Wednesdays I have choir, and Tuesdays I also have youth group, but otherwise I think I’m free. Thank you for your time.

Your future assistant,

(P.S. Soon I’m gonna get singing lessons, so we’ll have to work that out.)

Dear Steve the Geographer,

I heard you were looking for an assistant. It’s your lucky day because I’m looking for a job! I’m quite familiar with the atmosphere and biosphere because of some school education and Internet research. I know the climate in a tundra and a savanna. A great reason for me to be your assistant is that in this letter I’ve used plenty of geography terms. Plus I hear you’re a nice guy, which is why I’m charging $20 an hour instead of 5! Your friend (who guessed your name was Steve),

These aren’t the only good papers in the class. But all the papers in the class should be like this. Kids are cool. Their minds should be sharper. Maybe it’s all that shit cereal they’re eating for breakfast.