The Talk

On last night's episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, our favorite post-dinner TV fare, Ray turns down Debra’s sexual advances so that he can have what he calls, “The Power.” It’s not unlike real life. Men want sex more often, and women have their minds on other things. Whether couples have sex often depends on the women.

When they’ve gone more than 25 days, Ray can’t take it anymore, and he declares Debra the winner, returning “The Power” to her and getting some sex at last.

At this moment, my daughter asks me, “ “Have you and dad ever had sex?”

“No,” I say. I am teasing, but she doesn’t get it.

“You haven’t had sex in like ten years?” she asks, incredulous.

“We’ve been together more than twenty years!”

“And you haven’t ever had sex?”

“Think about it. What’s the longest I could have possibly gone without having sex?”

“Eighteen years? Eleven years?”

“How old are you?”

“Eight.”

“Do you know why I’m asking how old you are?”

“No.”

“How do you think babies are made?”

“Dad puts seeds in your vagina.”

“OK. And how do you think he puts them there?”

“He sneaks ‘em in?”

I try not to laugh. “Not exactly, but what do you think it’s called when the man puts the seeds in?”

“Sex?”

“That’s right! Sex is how you make a baby. So we have to have had sex at least eight years ago.” (My math’s a little off, but she gets my drift.)

“Does it hurt when he puts the seeds in? Do you even feel it?”

I am laughing at the thought that the answer could be no, but I tell her, instead, that she’s a little too young for the topic of sex, and I’ll explain it to her better when she’s older.